Cessford Papers: R.B. Winder letter, 1868 March 12
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in all that concerned you. but my dear sister you will admit that I have been through enough to kill an ordinary man - and besides this, I am, although I look fat & hearty, never well - I suffer greatly with rheumatism, and this keeps me constantly chilly, and almost always full of cold - I rarely ever change beds for one night that I do not take a violent cold. Since my divorce suit ended I have been in rather better spirits, but the uncertainty of my future & the future of my children, wanderer that I am, without even a home or resting place, makes me very miserable - and the condition of the Country, getting worse hourly is such that I see no prospect whatever for any change of circumstances - I will however do the best I can & trust in God for the balance - I will not annoy you further by dwelling on my troubles & grievous annoyances. I hope if nothing happens to prevent, to see you next summer - and anticipate a pleasant meeting - I would like very much to see as much of you all as possible. You must write me all about your dear self and my dear Mother Your letters will always will be welcome and agreeable to me - and if you think I have ever been neglectful of you, you must forgive me, and for the future discard all such ideas. No matter what I may seem, I certainly never meant to be so, but wrung as my whole heart has been with domestic troubles, & loss of property I know you will be generous & kind enough to me to promise me that you will never suspect me