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Fitzhugh family papers: Wick West letter, 1865 May 19

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Eastville May 19th 1865 Dear Mary, I have been intending to write you since my return from Accomac, and have put it off only because I have hardly known how or what to write. The one hope of my life that I have for the past four years so fondly cherished being gone - and to all appearances irreparably so - I am wretched, and have little hope of ever being otherwise. Yes I am a miserable man, and feel, had I fallen in any of the battles through which I have passed - I should be thankful. A wise and merciful Providence though willed otherwise, and I must think and hope it for the best. Add to this humiliation and life long trouble the event that is about to transpire - which you know of - and that I cannot sanction and I fear, never can teach myself to think of, but sorrow.- and answer me candidly if I have not enough to make one miserable and wretched? The bitterest trial of my life was talking to [Jeannie?] as I thought was my duty regarding this matter. I told her plainly my views and fears - and can now only hope that her chosen destiny will be as she confidently thinks - for her good