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The Bayonet, 1 March 1918

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FOUR THE BAYONET: CAMP LEE, VA., FRIDAY, MARCH 1, 1918. THE BAYONET The Official Publication of the Eightieth Division, National Army. Published every Friday, at Camp Lee, Va., by and for the officers and soldiers of the Eightieth Division. Entered as second-class matter November 22, 1917, at the Petersburg, Va., post-office under the act of March 3, 1879. Five cents a copy. Fifty cents for three months, delivered at Camp. Sixty-five cents for three months by mail, anywhere in the United States. All subscriptions payable in advance. Advertising rates on application. All advertising contracts payable weekly. EDITOR-IN-CHIEF AND GENERAL MANAGER, LET. HERBERT S. RICHLAND, Q.M.C. DIVISIONAL STAFF. MANAGING EDITOR, PRIVATE WALTER R. SUPPES, 1ST CO., DEPOT BRIGADE. NEWS EDITOR, PRIVATE DWIGHT H. FEE, CO. A, 319TH INFANTRY. OFFICE: DIVISION HEADQUARTERS, CAMP LEE, VA. TELEPHONE NO. 115 FRIDAY MARCH 1, 1918

MORALITIES AND PROPRIETIES. No one at all familiar with the work of the Army Young Men's Christian Association can feel any but kindly sentiments towards this wonderful institution that has come to be such an essential adjunct of the military organization in the cantonments at home and the camps abroad. Not only does it contribute to the morale of the soldiers in the field, but it does much to keep up the spirits of the folks back home. With the K/ of C. army organization, it stands as a link directly connecting the camp with the home. Many a mother and many a father feels easier in mind, has much of the pain of separation softened, by the assurance that the ideals and standards of the home circle are kept alive in the camps through the instrumentality of such institutions as the Army Y.M.C.A. and the Army K. of C. It is to the credit of the Army Y.M.C.A. that it has pursued a course of broad-mindedness. It has sought to influence, but not to force. Its spiritual efforts have been along indirect lines; religious worship, while of fundamental importance in the lives of the men actively directing the affairs of the association has never been forced upon the thousands of soldiers daily frequenting the gymnasiums, auditoriums, reading rooms and halls of the Y.M.C.A. That this policy has brought success to the association and has deepened its spiritual influence upon the lives of the men brought into the realms of its atmosphere vastly more than would have been possible under a policy less broad, is generally admitted by association leaders. THE BAYONET, while sincerely congratulating the association upon this policy , ventures to express the hope that in the future there will be no deviation from the course of liberalism and spiritual appeal through the indirect. We have in mind a recent protest against the showing of theatrical amusements in the new Liberty Theater on Sundays. Whether Sunday amusements exercise an evil or a beneficial influence is a matter of controversy, often running into the state of intense bitterness. It has been our own observation that the sincerely devout church attendant will not be drawn from his worship by an multiplicity of outside attractions. To what extent the closure of all places of amusements tend to increase church attendance by the addition of such persons as are not habitual, but occasional, church-goers, we, frankly, do not know. Doubtless there are statistics on this point, which, if available, should prove interesting. At least, they seem to us to furnish the only possible basis in fact from which scientific deductions on the Sunday amusement question may be made to replace what, otherwise, would appear to belong exclusively to the field of religious debate. We do not take to ourselves the privilege of deciding the propriety of the Sunday shows at the Liberty Theater. Such power of decision, we take it, is not intended to be conveyed with the subscriptions of our readers. But it is our very firm opinion that our readers, constituting practically all the men of the Eightieth Division, desire that this question, with others of similar nature, be left to the proper military authorities, and, if no principle of military policy be involved, that the rule of self-determination be granted to the membership of the armies of America that are fighting to make self-determination the universal rule of civilization. The men of the Eightieth Division are merely a cross-section of the citizenry of the three States from which they are drawn. They are of all religious persuasions, and of none. They are of all stations, of all types of mind, and ways of thinking. And they are all full-grown and of age. Their friends and well-wishers, their countrymen outside the ranks, must not, in our frank judgment, make the error of regarding them either as children or as members of an institution disciplinarian other than in a necessary military sense. That they are gifted with the power of judging aright, and a balancing conception of the moralities and the proprieties, we trust, will ungrudgingly be conceded. If they desire Sunday shows, they know their own minds better than any one else. No four-square soldier, even though on the subject involved he be differently minded, will see any violation of propriety in the action of such members of the Y.M.C.A. as are now in the military service expressing themselves, individually or in group, on any question not reserved for discussion and decision by the proper military authorities. But THE BAYONET does not wish the Army Y.M.C.A. in any measure to imperil the vast scope of its influence and usefulness, the loss of which in even the smallest degree would be of real disaster to the army and democracy, by definitely committing itself as an organization to any matter in controversy. Nor does it desire, as the stanch well-wisher of the Army Y.M.C.A., that it should bring itself into a position of argument or disagreement with the War Department or any of its responsible administrative officers. In this connection, we congratulate the workers in the Army Y.M.C.A., as well as those of the Army K. of C., on their wide-visioned reluctance to indulge in the scramble for military designation and official titles. Living with soldiers, laboring for their welfare, sharing their life and their perils, they have neither demanded nor desired the name of soldiers and the honors of officers.

A COMPLETE ABOUT FACE "I do not want to be discourteous." It is the voice of Imperial Chancellor von Hertling. The reference is to the President of the United States. "I do not want to be discourteous." The mouthpiece of the power that sent the Lusitania, unwarned, with its cargo of American women and American children, to the bottom of the sea is speaking. "I do not want to be discourteous." It is the Kaiser's plea for mercy. The scorn of last year is gone. The confidence with which he undertook to put Mexico and Japan at our throats is gone. The haughty assurance with which he conspired to divide our own people, to blow up American factories, to slay American workingmen peacefully at their tools, has burst as a bubble. "I do not want to be discourteous." There is no more talk of America's "miserable little army." The Kaiser has been shown. He has seen two million Americans literally "leap to arms," and been molded into an efficient writing force. He is feeling the courage and fresh "pep" of part of that army now in the trenches in France. He can hear the tramp, tramp, tramp of their comrades coming, two million strong, if need be five million strong. Every effort his secret agents have put forward to stop America has failed. America has proved up. She is coming. There is no halt, no compromise,no half-stepping. Tramp, tramp, tramp- two million strong, five million strong if needed - every man, every dollar, every resource in America, and no quarter! "I do not want to be discourteous." The words are the most significant feature of the German Chancellor's reply this week to President Wilson's proffer of peace on the lines of genuine self-determination and democracy. Every one who understands the German knows that at heart he is a coward. He is brave only when the tide is running his way. Those who are familiar with this trait of the German character have always confidently looked forward to the German armies going to pieces, with all control lost and each man a runner in a free-for-all footrace back to Berlin, when reverses started coming their way. "I do not want to be discourteous." With these seven words Imperial Chancellor von Hertling does a complete about face. He is seeing the handwriting on the wall. His nerve is gone. He knows that the day of reckoning is coming, and if a little courtesy now in speaking of the President of the United States will win a little reciprocal courtesy in that hour when the Kaiser cowers before the allied armies, well supplied with substantial hemp rope - well, says Von Hertling, what's the use of being nasty?

VICTORY FIRST To talk peace now is worse than futile; it is criminal, it is giving aid to the enemy, for to think and talk peace is to raise hopes of peace, which can only result in slowing down the war. The only peace possible now is a German peace - a peace which the world should scorn to accept. The only road to a just peace is through "no man's land," through war and all till the ruthless German beast is cowed and conquered and the tramp of victorious armies is heard in the streets of German cities.

Too Late to Change. "What were you saying, Homer?' asked a mother of her six-year-old son. "I'm praying to God to kill all the Germans." "Oh, you must not pray to God to kill all those men--" "I can't help it now, mam[m]a; it will have to go, 'cause I've already said 'Amen.' "

[Boxed heading for column with drawing of man powdering his nose?] HEALTH And BEAUTY HINTS

Conducted by Acting Corporal Percy O. Montmorency. Dear Percy: I have a bad case of "housemaid's knee," which I contracted a week ago while on K. P. It is very painful and should be cured at once. What treatment would you advise? K. P. Dear K. P. : Yours is the first case of "housemaid's knee" among the soldiers which has come to my attention. I advise you to go to the "movies" as much as possible, selecting always a picture of humorous character. While this will not cure the ailment, it will do lots towards helping you forget the pain. P. O. M.

Dear Percy: I have found a few gray hair--to be exact, three--in my head. Is this an indication that I am turning gray? I am only twenty-four, single and a private. GRAY HAIRS. Dear Gray Hairs: Under the circumstances, no. CORPORAL MONTMORENCY.

Dear Percy: I am slightly deaf in both ears and when spoken to by an officer, rather than cup either ear with my hand, I usually right or left face and permit him to tak [talk] directly in the ear which is thus brought directly opposite him. Would you advise wearing an ear trumpet? BAD HEARING. Dear Bad Hearing: I understand that it is strictly against army regulations to wear any such apparatus as an ear trumpet. PERCY.

Dear Percy: I have been helping muster in new drafted men. Yesterday a boy from my county arrived wearing a red shirt and I've been homesick ever since. I would like to overcome this affliction without resorting to an operation. Any advice you may give will be gladly paid for in post exchange tickets or cigarette coupons. NOSTALGIA Dear Nostalgia: I am paid a large figure by THE BAYONET to conduct this column for the benefit of the men of the 80th Division, and, of course, will accept no remuneration. In case of homesickness an operation is rarely resorted to, although there are cases on record where one's visit has been cut short. My advice to you is to subscribe to your home newspaper and send them your picture, in uniform, for reproduction. When you see your picture in print you will have a feeling somewhat akin to that of a popular hero, which will greatly enocruage [encourage] you and destroy your feeling of homesickness. PERCY O.M.

"Changing Fears." When I first joined the army here, About six months ago, I must admit I had a fear There wasn't any show Of coming back to civil life And to my former fun, And maybe some day have a wife And maybe, too, a son.

But now the fears have gone away About my coming back, And now I fear more every day That Germany will crack. It would be like the rotten Hun, Just when we get all set, To try and spoil our little fun By calling off the bet.

But some one's gone and spoiled it-- Curse the dirty, sneaking traitors-- And told the Kaiser we were fit To lick his second-raters. With men and guns and ammunish, All spick and span and willing, And every mother's son does wish To get into the milling. ---"CAYENNE."

The "Sunny" South. I love your South, with its flowers and birds, And all that sort of thing, But your flowers freeze in the autumn breeze, And only the the snowbirds sing.

The sunny pictures of balmy vales In the South are awfully nice; But your wooded nooks and tinkling brooks Are camouflaged in ice.

I've often heard of the verdant views That the Northern tourist sees; But the only green that I've ever seen Are your evergreen Xmas trees.

I'd like to stay for a long, long time, And see your sun at its best; But I'm 'fraid to expect the same sun of Quebec That melts the snows in the West. --By Lieutenant Horatio Lapsley.

BATTLE MAPS A simple lesson in the determination of numerical designations, prepared under teh direction of Lieutenant-Colonel W. H. Waldron, Chief of Staff, and to be studied by all officers and men in the Eightieth Division in conjunction with the map of the trench sector of the division printed in the Pictorial Section of this edition of THE BAYONET.

Battle maps are those of large scale on which are shown enemy troops and, in certain cases, our own defensive and offensive organizations. They have an official character and also take precedence, to the exclusion of all other documents, for all the names to be employed in orders, instructions and reports. Experience in actual warfare has shown that, to obtain the best possible conditions for the use of the battle maps on the ground, it is well to give names and designations in great detail. The designation of certain important points, sectors or woods may be made by use of letters, figures or the combination of letters and figures. In case the numeration by four figures is used, the designation should indicate a definite point of the terrain (the junction of an approach and of a trench, for example), and not a portion of the line nor a contour. All the enemy batteries and all ridges corresponding to possible emplacements for batteries receive a number in hectometric co-ordinates. It is a general rule that all the names and numbers shown on the battlemaps, scale 1 to 20,0000, also appear on the maps, scale 1 to 10,000 and 1 to 5,000, and that all those shown on the maps, scale 1 to 10,000, also appear on the maps, 1 to 5,000; the names written on the maps, scale 1 to 20,000 and 1 to 10,000, being selected, according to the scale, in order of their importance. To determine the numerical designation of any point on the map: 1. Locate the point and determine [drawing of grid inserted here, with two parallel horizontal lines, labeled 21 and 20 and two parallel vertical lines crossing the horizontal lines, labeled 41 and 42. In the center of the grid is a broken vertical line, labeled A on the end, Y in the middle; there is a point labeled x to the left of the broken line, inside the same center box. All this is labeled Fig. 1] [No. 1 continued] the map square in which it is situated. Referring to Figure 1, the point A is located in the map square 41-42-20-21. 2. Take the lower left-hand (southwest) corner of the square in which the point is located as the reference point. Thus the reference point would be the corner of the square at 41-20. 3. Read to the right along the horizontal line 20 to a point directly below the point A. We mentally divide the line 20 lying between lines 41 and 41 [is this an error?] into ten equal parts. We find the point sought on the line 20 to be about half-way between lines 41 and 42; in other words, it is five-tenths (.5) of the distance. We thus record this horizontal ordinate as 41.5. 4. Going back again to our reference point. Read upward along the vertical line 41 to a point directly opposite the point A. Mentally divide the line 41 lying between lines 20 and 21 into ten equal parts. We find the point sought on line 41 to be somewhat more than half-way between the lines 20 and 21. On measuring the distance we find it to be approximately six-tenths (.6) of the distance. We thus record this vertical ordinate as 20.6. 5. Point A would then be located somewhere on the line 41.5 and somewhere on the line 20.6. The full numerical designation of the point would then be 41.5-20.6. 6. There are no other lines on the map numbered 20 or 21, 41 or 42. So we abbreviate by eliminating the 4 from the 41 and the 2 from the 20, leaving the hectometric designation of the point A as 15.06. Work out a few of these locations. You will be surprised to see how very simple it is. Problems. 1. Following the sequence stated above, work out the numerical designation of the following points: 25.04, 24.14, 14.04. Do not cut corners until you are sure of your ground. 2. Where are the following points located? 26.05. 24.08. 26.15. If you have worked these problems out carefully you should now be familiar with the system. A little more practice will fully qualify you.

[Boxed headline] DEPARTMENT OF OFFICIAL NOTES Items From the Headquarters Bulletin and Special Orders of General Intrest [Interest] to Officers and Men.

Inoculation Essential. Existing War Department orders require that all persons connected with the military service be completely vaccinated before going overseas, this including inoculation against typhoid, paratyphoid, A & B, and vaccination against smallpox, and that the vaccination be completed before embarkation, no exception being made on account of age. Organization commanders will be held responsible for compliance with these orders, and that evidence of completed vaccination and inoculation be properly recorded on vaccination registers and service records with the least practicable delay. Speed Orders Disregarded. Reports received at these headquarters indicate that truck drivers are disregarding the orders that the speed limit of trucks is twelve miles per hour. Hereafter, infractions of this regulation will be severely dealt with. School of Arms Classes. The morning session of all classes in the division school of arms will commence at 8 A. M. The hours of attendance of the machine gun, tactical course, as announced in bulletin No. 44 are changed so that the class will meet only in the forenoon. Masks to Be Issued. Gas masks, for training purposes, will be issued at the medical supply depot by officer in charge of gas defense, to organizations enumerated below: Each infantry regiment, 120 masks; 155th Artillery brigade, 300 masks; 305th Engineers, 200 masks; 313th Machine Gun Battalion, 50 masks; 314th Machine Gun Battalion 50 masks; 315th Machine Gun Battalion 50 masks; 305th Field Signal Battalion, 50 masks; 305th Ammunition Train, 120 masks; 305th Sanitary Train, 120 masks; Headquarters Troop, 25 masks. Pay Forfeiture Limited. Although legal to do so, it is not in the interests of good policy to prolong summary court-martial sentences beyond the jurisdictional period of three months. Hereafter all forfeitures of pay iposed by summary court-martial will be so expressed as to be completely satisfied within three months. Soldiers Transferred. Pursuant to telegraphic instructions from the War Department, forty-eight enlisted men, transferred to Headquarters Battalion, General Headquarters, American Expeditionary Force, by paragraph 2, special orders 37, these headquarters are directed to proceed to Camp Merritt, New Jersey. Captain Edward W. McLarren, Quartermaster Corps, will take charge of this detachment and conduct it to Camp Merritt, New Jersey, reporting it upon arrival thereat to the commanding general, for duty. Upon the completion of this duty Captain McLarren will return to his proper station. Troops Trespass on Range. From time to time wagons and working parties have gone within effective rifle range behind the butts on the division rifle range, without notice to the range officer, thus endangering lives. Hereafter no vehicles or men will enter this area, without first finding out, from the range officers (phone No. 204), that no firing on the range is contemplated during any of the time [it?] is desired to remain in this area. Auto Speed Limited The City Council of Petersburg has passed an ordinance prohibiting automobiles and trucks from running at a faster rate than fifteen miles per hour. Drivers of government vehicles will comply with the ordinance. Preferment Sought Illegally. Letter A. G. O.: "1. The number and character of communications coming to this office indicate that widespread efforts are being made to secure through other than military channels, promotion and other preferment of officers and enlisted men o f the several armies now in the service of the United States. This is in direct violation of paragraph 5, army regulations, and of general orders No. 31, War Department, 1913. "2. You will direct the attention of the officers and enlisted men of your division or department to the requirements of the regulations. This should not prevent candidates from submitting applications through official channels, for consideration." Must Unload Cars. Attention has been directed to the fact that certain cars of coal in this camp have not been unloaded within twenty-four hours after delivery, as directed in paragraph 1, bulletin No. 7, these headquarters, January 9, 1918. Organization commanders will be held responsible for failure to comply with the directions contained in the bulletin referred to. Fences Prohibited. The obstruction of fire breaks in barrack areas by post fences is prohibited. Roofs Not Grandstands. It has been brought to the attention of this office that soldiers have been using the roofs of buildings in this camp as grandstands, from which to watch games. This practice will cease, and regimental and separate unit commanders will take steps to see that enlisted men are not allowed on the roofs of buildings in this camp, except in the case of necessity. Fire Alarm Directions. Regimental and separate unit commanders will instruct guards and sentinels in their commands that, in case of fire,w hen the alarm is given by telephone, the name of the avenue and the number of the street will be given, instead of the organization, as heretofore. Student Officers Numbered. All enlisted men carried on detached service, who are attending the officers' training camp, will be given numbers by the commanding officer of the training camp. Men Must Keep Step. All Detachments going from place to place about camp will be formed in column of squads and marched. When marching at route step, or at ease, the step and cadence will be maintained. Singing, while marching, other than at attention, will be encouraged. Men to Get Extra Breeches. One extra pair breeches, woolen, olive drab, will be issued to each enlisted man of the Eightieth Division. This issue will conplete [complete] equipment "C" for service in the United States. Rosters Not to Be Printed. Letter A. G., O. "1. The Secretary of War directs that you be informed with reference to telegrams from this office, dated November 26, and December 3, 1917, prohibiting the publication of rosters, and letter No. 362.14 (miscellaneous division), dated December 28, 1917, revoking said instructions, that the following instructions will now govern: "2. Individuals or firms who have rosters prepared or now on sale will be permitted to continue such sale until the present supply of those rosters is exhausted. Thereafter no individual or firm during the continuance of the present emergency, will be permitted to solicit or offer for sale at any military post or camp any rosters showing names of officers or men of any organization. "3. All organization commanders will be informed that they should take all proper steps to prevent information being given from any organization to any person which will enable him to publish or offer for publication a roster of any military organization." Autos Get Right of Way. Automobiles assigned for use of general officers and the division staff will not be stopped nor interfered with by guards or sentinels, day or night, throughout this cantonment. Their progress will not be impeded, and they will be given right of way over all vehicles. A general officer's car will be recognized by the flag attached to the front of the radiator, either furled or unfurled. The division staff cars are designated by the word "Staff" lettered on the left headlight of the car. All chauffeurs and drivers of motor-driven vehicles will take great care in observing regulations as to speed and the rules of the road. Public animals, wagon or saddle, will be driven at a walk or trot throughout the camp. Observers Go to Signal Corps. Letter A. G. O.: "1. The Secretary of War directs tha [that] you be informed that officers detailed to take the course in the School of Aerial Observation at Fort Sill, Okla., and Fort Monroe, Va., will be detailed to the Signal Corps upon successful completion of their course. "2. The secretary further directs that you be informed that it is to the best interests of the service, as a whole, that the officers detailed for duty as aerial observers be only the most desirable type of young officers; men who are capable, efficient and quick to learn. The success of the artillery operations and of an infantry attack in France may depend upon the efficiency and character of the artillery and infantry aerial observers." Bands Detailed. The following detail of bands to furnish music for the Saturday night dances at the Officers' Club, at Lakemont, is announced: March 9, 320th Infantry: March 16, 314th Field Artillery; March 23, 318th Infantry; March 30, 315th Field Artillery; April 6, 319th Infantry; April 13, 313th Field Artillery; April 20, 317th Infantry. [Column Title Box]: WAR POEMS Contributed and Clipped THE KAISER'S DESTINY By Mrs. W. H. Kable, Woodsboro, Md. "Tis a long and a weary way, my boys, That we've been called to roam, But the end is very near, my boys, And we'll turn our faces home. Some of us, boys, may stay right here, And start for the realms above, But most of us, boys, will know the joys Of home and mother and love.

CHORUS. Oh, John J. Pershing is marching on, And we are in his trail; We'll give Fritz whacks till his helmet cracks, And make the Kaiser quail.

"Tis a long, long, wear way, my boys, There's many a fight to win, But show us now where the Germans hide, And we will wade right in. We'll help old England, and aid fair France, And all the Huns shall see, When the glorious Stars and Stripes advance, They stand for victo-ree.

When Von Hindenburg into Paris goes, With prince and Kaiser too, They'll go as prisoners of war, my boys, And we'll give the devil his due. Then we'll turn our faces west again And cross the seas once more, When the day is done of the barbarous Hun, And the Kaiser's reign is o'er. [end]

Mephisto Unmasked

With an unquenched thirst for power and the best of warlike skill, Whose aim is to throttle freedom, civilization and good will, Whose damnable deeds and actions are a battle of absolute hate; And all to exalt the Kaiser over every race and state.

With a most pernicious government that is barbarous to the core; They seek to subdue humanity, make Europe an angry sore; They murder guiless [guileless] children and they of the great Red Cross, And mockingly sing triumph at their innocent victims' loss.

I think we've been mistaken for a myriad of past years In locating hell be neath us, in our purblind hopes and fears. I'm convinced now its chief office is located at Berlin, And Kaiser William chief manager-- the Emperor of all sin.

Or else the greater Mephisto was created at his birth, For no mortal ever could create such devastation on earth. In thus outvieing [out vying] old Satan, he has succeeded quite well, By turning this peaceful world of ours to a seething, scorching hell. --By Berton Bellis

Virginia. [Written for The Times-Dispatch.] Ob corse, I'se gwin to Heben, when Dis mortal coil Ah sluf, But long as Ah is libin, old Virginny's good enuf. De Norf am cool an chilly, an De Wes' am far away; Sho', down in old Virginny, child, I'se satisfied to stay.

De white folks am so gentle dere, Dey am so kind and true, Dey doan put on no uppish airs, Deys got no reason to. Dey doan depen on money fer Dere aristocisy. Fer in dere veins deys got the blood Ob Washington an Lee.

De cullud folks am spectable, Because deys ris dat way. An when dey leave Virginny, dats De reason white folk say To ebry decent cullud man, An tidy cullud gal: "Say, ain't you from Virginny, eh, You Sambo or you Sal?"

De gran' mistake dis country make In its geogify Was not to fix de 'Cific coas Virginny's boundary; Fer if dis lan was all Virginny 'Twouldn't be no use to die, An hunt another paradise Somewhars up in de sky. J. MAULSBY SMITH. Baltimore, Md., February 22, 1918

COMPANY SONG. By Private Jos. F. Walter. (To the tune of "We Don't Know Where We're Going, But We're on Our Way.") Good-by, little sweethearts, of Petersburg, Va., We're sorry we can't stay right here and see you every day. We know that you'll be waiting for our return to home, And when we come we'll have the Huns all buried in the sea -- Ray!

CHORUS: We are the boys of Company B, Hooray! Ray! Ray! We're out to make a showing for the U.S.A. We're going to get the Kaiser in that good old Yankee way, We don't know when we're going, but we're ready any day -- Hooray!

We came from dear old Pittsburgh, the finest town on earth, We left our friends and families, the warm fires in the hearth, But we don't care a rap, indeed -- as long as we can help, Our Uncle Sam in time of need, and all humanity -- Ray!

CHORUS: There is a little spot on earth called Germany, That the boys of Company B, 320, want to see, So now we're getting ready for to sail across the sea And visit Mr. Kaiser Bill, the low down flea -- Hooray!

We are the fighting boys that fight for a good cause And now that we are strong and fit, we want to go to France, Old Uncle Sammy needs us for duty 'cross the sea. That we are all ready to a man, makes us rather proud to

say -- Ray!

CHORUS: We haven't been in the army long -- Hooray! Ray! Ray! But we can do our bit in a manly way, So we're going on to Berlin by the way of dear old France, And when we get the Kaiser we'll send you his mustache -- Hooray!

BILIOUSNESS AND BILL; SCRIBE "SEES" KAISER

After Harrowing experience, Cub Reporter Forswears All Things German.

HAS GRISLY EXPERIENCE

BY FRANK COFFEE. As the gray dawn was breaking over Potsdam, I was ushered into the presence of Emperor William II. But no sooner had I crossed the threshold of the antechamber than I regretted the clever and daring ruse by which I, in my mad desire to make a world-scoop, had obtained this interview with the All Highest. For before me, in the far corner of the bleak and dimly lighted room, I saw a man to whom the Devil had sold his soul. A viking-like figure it was that sprawled at the map-littered table, and the thunder-scarred face with its baleful eye and cruel lips were those of a man who had made a hell of earth and, finding his work good, had not yet ceased from his labors. Presents Horrible Figure. A clot of blood had caught in the grisly forelock that fell across the scowling brow. A streak of black mud accentuated the bone-deep lines of the sunken cheek. The heavy military cape that was flung about the shoulders all but concealed a shrunken arm made useless by paralysis--a paralysis which seemingly has long since begun to creep into the soul. Across a map of America lay the Hun's sword covered with gore, and even the beak of the Prussian eagle poised on the hilt was besmeared with blood of human sacrifice. But here my observations were cut short by a command to speak. "All Highest," I began in a thin, small voice, "your views, I pray, on the world situation." "The world situation?" --and a sardonic smile twisted the brutal lips-- "I am the world situation! What is wanted is a moral deed to free this planet from the pressure which weighs upon all. For such a deed it is necessary to find a ruler who has a conscience. I have both the conscience and the courage! "Cultivates" Europe. "Therefore, when England's perfidy forced this war upon the helpless and innocent Fatherland, I saw it as a sign from heaven that the hour had come for me to give light unto the peoples of the earth. So, with God at my right, I undertook to cultivate Europe from Dublin to Moscow, and a world of men will testify that I have made a good job of it. "Now I am ready to cross the high seas to drive the stake through the heart of your money-grabbing, woman-worshiping nation. And when I and my beloved barbarians--each of whom is made in the image of me--when we together shall have sown Kulture from the Atlantic to the Pacific, then indeed will all the heavens resound with hosannas to the master Hun who can so gloriously hack his way through the living bodies of men, women and children. "There, too, in your fair land of liberty, I shall find ample opportunity to add materially to my unique collection of baby fingers. Fame such as mine is made of imperishable stuff!" Teuton Eagle Winks. Whereupon, grinning like a madman, this peer of Satan's slyly winked at the Hohenzollern eagle, and I, sick with horror, saw the devilish bird wink back! The walls about me tottered. Neither food could longer make connection with a floor that had become a rolling sea. Surely I hung suspended over the waters of blackest Hell while "the weary weight of all this unintelligible world" seemed to settle in the pit of my stomach. But the raucous, rasping voice ground on: "Your lovely, high-strung, delicately made American woman -- Brother Turk and I will carve her as a 'dish fit for the gods,' but you" -- and here the mighty frame shook with passion -- "you flat-chested, weak-kneed, spineless creature; you Yankee jellyfish, your quivering flash, flung into the seething caldron, shall furnish its bit of nitroglycerin for the Fatherland!" With these words, the fiend, lunging forward, sprang upon me; fingers wet with blood clutched my throat; Prussia's eagle screamed in triumph -- and I awoke. As the gray dawn was breaking over home, I, with palpitating heart and sweating brow, swore never again to indulge in a midnight feast of schweitzer cheese and pumpernickel. [end]

Wounded to go to Dix. Plans have been completed by the War Department for increasing the size of the base hospital at Camp Dix, already one of the largest in the world, to nearly double its present size. The early use of the institution for the care of American wounded from European battle fields is the reason for increasing the beds to 1,800, with prospects of a further growth of 3,000.